My Backstory! Part Three (including why we ditched public school)

All you need is a little sweet tea and a whole lot of Jesus! I love that saying. It sums up most of my life raising children.  As I said in part two, during nap times I started to dust off my Bible and actually read it.  The interesting thing about a Bible, and the language used is the more you read it the more you begin to 'get' it.  Mainly I would say a prayer before hand.  "Lord, please help me to understand and gain as much knowledge as I can to worship you." "Please give me wisdom and understanding." "I pray that today I will get strength from your word."  Trust me, it helps.  The more you read, the more I believe the holy spirit will guide you.

Everyone deals with stress and things differently.  I tend to want to withdraw.  I used to joke, and still do here and there about wanting to put bubble wrap around our house and just stay inside with the 4 of us.  No gossiping, no jealousy, just us being protected and feeling loved.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?  We all know it's not reality though.  Things happen.  People get sick, cars break down, loved ones careless words can cut deep.  The way to get through that is to know, and I mean really know that even though our feelings or bodies may be hurt, God is the answer to it all.  The Bible doesn't ever say that we aren't given more than we can handle. -I know it's a common phrase but it's not in the Bible.  Look at all the things that happened to people who loved the Lord in the Bible. The Bible does however tell us that it is Christ who gives us strength.

So why am I talking about stress?  It's because living on one small income can be stressful.  That doesn't mean it isn't doable though.  The first thing we did was when we could we would put some money aside for emergencies. A flat tire, a trip to the doctor, etc. All of these aren't easy when you have everything going out to something else.  We had bills for sure.  Our house, a car payment, a couple of credit cards, along with all the utilities. Of course we also had two young children and one now about to start Kindergarten.

So now we have one child in school and one at home. (They are 4 years apart)  School can be an expense as well.  We were able to have our son take a bus and he went to a smallish public school through the 4th grade.   During his school years I took a class so I could substitute teach, which had very low pay, but I mainly wanted to help out here and there.  I would say I substituted about 1-2 times per month.  I was also able to help out and be in the PTA, where I was President one year and treasurer another.  They were very friendly to me and most of the time I was allowed to bring Abigail, which was great. (For PTA events and parties, not teaching)

I was still reading my Bible and I would watch sermons on tv but we were not attending an actual church.  During that time  I also happened upon a magazine add about homeschooling.  It was called The Old Schoolhouse.  They had a coupon for a free copy so I sent for it.  I was intrigued.  Something inside was tugging at me.  I could not stop thinking about the hearts of my children and how things were starting to be taught in schools that were far from Biblical. I continued on thinking that was just a silly thought.  I mean, we weren't hippies or Amish. LOL.  I continued to research online about homeschooling.  Over the summer I went to a local Christian book store and bought 3 books about it.  One was a family who were succeeding at it, another was a curriculum book for 4th grade and another by a man named John Holt.

Summer was about over and after talking with my husband and a couple of other relatives and friends we decided that he would go back to school.  I personally would have started that year, but my husband was not convinced and wanted him in school. (The other relatives thought I'd lost my mind and didn't hesitate to let me know it.)   So back he went. Most of that year went ok but I never did give up wanting to home school.  Toward the end of the year there was an incident that I witnessed while substituting in a first grade class.  (This didn't involve my child but I won't go into detail just to protect identities)  I never stopped thinking about that.

After reading the books I had, especially the Holt one, I just couldn't get over the thought of losing my children's hearts to this "system."  About a week later I got my usual magazine in from Countryside Magazine.  There was an article about homeschooling in it too!  I read it to my husband and explained about the other things I had been reading and how I had been feeling.  He decided that it would be ok to let me try to home school the children for the following year.  I also found out through a friend that there was a local group in our area of other Christian home schoolers. My friend, Kris, and I went to a meeting there and it was AMAZING! To meet others who didn't think I'd lost my mind and understood exactly what my concerns were.   So in 2003 my son did not go back for the 5th grade. My daughter did not start Kindergarten.  We began our homeschooling journey.  It's got it's own set of trials and triumphs but I will say I'm so grateful we did it.  We ended up homeschooling for the next 13 years!

Having the kids at home gave our whole family the freedom to chose the way to learn.  The world really is a giant class room. Reading the Bible and making a point of including God in your everyday world makes it work.  Now, we did use actual books and workbooks. The library was like our second home and FINALLY one day they extended cable internet to our area! That was and still is one bill I don't mind paying. We all learned things together.  From repairing our own vehicles to butchering animals. EVERYTHING you do on a day to day basis is learning. At dinner we would talk about what we each learned that day.  If you learned at least one new thing in a day I consider that a success!

We were still paying down our debt. My husband loved his job, and I was enjoying mine more and more.  I continued writing some and submitting things to magazines for contests and things.  I was published twice in a homeschooling magazine and they did a featured article on our family in Cooking Light magazine.  I also have several recipes published in Cooking Light, Quick Cooking, and Miserly Moms recipe books. Each time you would just get a small check but it was a hobby I really enjoyed. We continued to add some animals here. Pigs, ducks, more chickens, quail, and goats.

Fast forward... Several years ago my husbands boss passed away and the business closed.  Luckily my husband got another job pretty soon.  We were debt free by then, including our home and land. We were stocked on food and most necessities so while it was a short but unnerving time we knew we would be ok for a while.  Which leads me to the real reason for this blog. I'm not an expert but I am a regular mom who has done it.  I want to share with anyone that if it is in your heart to be a homemaker, home schooler, homesteader, etc.  YOU CAN DO IT!  Even if you don't have acreage or animals.  If you get yourself on a realistic budget and live below your means you can have a happy, less stressful life.  You can enjoy your marriage and children!




*If you stayed with my story to the end, thank you!  I really look forward to getting more into detail on how you can thrive on one income, how Jesus is the key to it all, and my triumphs and failures on the way along!
I plan on posting on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. 

My Backstory! Part Two

The world we knew.  The childhood years I could remember my own mother worked most of the time. She did all sorts of things from owning a business, working at a bank, to cleaning houses. My husband had the same experience. His mother worked at a local factory for many years until she retired. We went to public schools all of our lives and we were taught that you need a college degree and a career.  Why? To buy the best of the best.  Success here in America, at least in my world, was exactly this:  A nice big house in town, two nice new vehicles, an extravagant vacation every summer, eating out at nice restaurants often, then throw in two kids and a dog and you have your perfect little picture. The problem is many, not all, of the people I know with all of this are the most stressed out unhappy people when you really get to know them. It's not that having all of these things are bad at all.  It's thinking that you are a failure if you don't.  So in my mind, by me not working, we would never have all of these things.  This was no longer a stepping stone to all of the things I wanted and thought we needed.  I was in a way failing my family. As much as I loved my son and I 'liked' where we were, in the back of my mind I was a failure.

Due to my thinking that we needed to have everything "better" I probably drove my husband nuts. No, I know I did. I finally shared my feelings about feeling I failed and to be completely honest here, he wasn't so crazy I wasn't working back then after a while either. He liked that his needs were met and so were our sons, but after a while of having to get up every morning and leave super early while I got to stay in bed started to wear on him too. We didn't argue a whole lot, but we did consider me going back to work.  It didn't help him much either that out of all of our friends and family I was the ONLY mother who wasn't working.  In the end I decided to clean a couple of houses.  I found two.  I let them know I had a son who would be accompanying me and one was fine with that the other was not. So once a week my mother would watch my son, who was around 3 at that time, for about 3-4 hours and I would go clean that house.  The other one she didn't mind him coming and I would bring a video and snacks and he would play with their dog. He was never one of those kids to just be unruly or destructive so it worked out well. I did that for about a year and it made enough to pay for our groceries. This was a very good solution for us.  ~I am glossing over this area a bit. It wasn't always a great time. I found out someone I trusted was not who I thought and to this day there is a big wedge in the family.  Times were tight financially until I found the houses but then it all started to fall into place.

During those lean times my budgeting and cooking skills began to improve.  We sat down and wrote out everything we owed and how much we could possibly pay to try to be debt free.  For our household needs we really paid attention to what we really needed versus just wanted.  My mom was a good role model in clearance shopping. I've always enjoyed garage sales and a good thrift store.I still do to this day. Most of our clothes, furniture, and home goods have come from them.  In the kitchen I learned how to really get creative and make many things from scratch. No more canned beans or boxed meals unless they were on a deep discount.  I made our bread from scratch and rice was now no longer bought in 5 minute boxes.  We also planted a small garden and got some chickens! My husband's love of the outdoors was a benefit too as he's a wonderful provider of fresh fish and wild game like rabbit and deer.

We were on our way and doing pretty well.  During that next year we had a teenage family member move in with us for a few months and I found out I was expecting our second child.  I ended up quitting the house cleaning when it was time for my son to start preschool.  Times were still lean but I was overjoyed that we would be adding a new baby to our family! In November of 1998 we welcomed our second child, a beautiful baby girl we named Abigail, into the world!

This was a really great time for us. We started becoming more self-sufficient and were getting some credit paid off in the process.  Other than my son's preschool 3 days a week, we stayed home a lot.  My nephew, who is a month younger than my son would stay with us most days after preschool while his parents worked.  This worked out fairly well because the boys had each other as playmates.

I know many may think how boring and unsatisfying my life must have been. To be home barefoot with little ones around all day. Well, no, actually. First off, I love to be barefoot.  Sure, I was stressed at times as all mothers are but for the most part I found comfort in just being a wife and mother.  I had a schedule for myself and I started enjoying to organize and cook and clean.  I even found a like for singing along to Disney and Barney videos.  LOL. -Back then we had no cable TV.   I also began to pull an old brown book off the shelf again during nap times.  My Bible.

*If you stayed with my story to the end, thank you!  I really look forward to getting more into detail on how you can thrive on one income, how Jesus is the key to it all, and my triumphs and failures on the way along!
I plan on posting on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

My Backstory! Part One

When I was young I always wanted to be a writer.  I used to write short stories and plays for my friends to read and act out.  I was ok at it but I wouldn't say extraordinary by any means.  I didn't care though. To me it was fun. I could dream and get lost in those dreams.  When I got into high school I decided that writing books would be too boring. That a hard hitting journalist was where I wanted to be. I would move to a big city like New York or Chicago and I would be a top reporter and eventually a news anchor.

Life tends to be strange and laugh at us at times. I ended up not doing either of those.  I met the boy I would still love in that same high school.  We married right after graduation and found out we would be parents just two months later.

He worked as a machinist and I as an assistant at a chiropractors office.  We lived in a little one bedroom apartment and I thought it was pretty great.  We were pretty good with money and being frugal. We moved into a two bedroom rental right before we welcomed our son into the world.  About six months later we were told we would have to move because the woman we were renting from was divorcing and needed to move back into the home we were renting.

Not sure what to do and with very little money we were offered a deal from my husband's mother & step-father. We could buy half of their land for a decent price and build or buy a mobile home to put on the property. While we liked the idea we really weren't sure how it would work out being so close to family and all.  We looked around but with not having much time or funds we took them up on their generous offer.

A couple of months and lots of dollars later, we moved into a 16 x 80 new single wide mobile home. It was very nice. Due to the year we bought it and the current style, it was all decked out in maroon carpeting and a pinkish, maroon color theme.  I must say I really liked it.  Most importantly it was all ours.

During that time my husband and I both worked full-time.  He had changed employers and now was at a really nice tool and die shop and I had left the chiropractor for a receptionist position at a local hospital.  We had benefits, a little more money, and our own place.  We should have been so happy, right?  I think my husband was but I really wasn't.

Why wasn't I so happy? Mainly because early every morning I had to go drop off our beautiful son to the care of other people at a day care center. He didn't cry much but he would just look at me so sad. I'd have to set him at a breakfast table with a bowl of cereal and wave goodbye not to see him for about 9 hours.  While I do think it wasn't a bad center, it's not home with mom where children really belong. He got many colds and so would I along with whatever else these poor children would come to day care with. We spent much time at the doctor with ear infections and sinus issues.

I, at work in a hospital, thought that I had a pretty good job, but my boss would be very angry if anyone would have to take time off to take care of sick kids or anything.  She was a very angry spiteful woman. Mostly, other than the doctors I worked for were other women. Some nice and some very hurtful. Most of us really didn't want to be there but felt we had to. I think in some people this can be a trigger for making other people miserable. If I ever mentioned about feeling bad about leaving my son it was usually returned with the typical explanations to make working mothers feel better. "It's better in the long run for them to learn to stand on their own." "They need friends to play with."  "You want your child to be social don't you?"  The main one was "You'll get used to it."  Well, I never really felt that I did.

I started getting bad headaches and was diagnosed with migraines.  I didn't sleep well and that didn't help.  Eventually, I did get a promotion and was going to go work in another private office located off the hospital grounds. I was thrilled to get out of that mostly hostile environment.  Well the Friday before I was to start my new position I was told by that "lovely" boss that she had changed her mind and another woman would get the position.  That I also couldn't stay in my current position because the girl I had trained (her cousin) would still be taking my spot.  I would go back to being what they called a floater.  So my raise was gone and I was super confused.  There was no disciplinary reason she just "decided."  When I left that afternoon I was in tears.  I hated this job. I hated leaving my son all day and for what really?

That weekend my husband and I sat down and went though our budget. We decided that it made sense to stay home really but I didn't want to be a free loader and only have him work.  So I started looking for a part time job.  Come to find out part time jobs don't pay much and by the time I would have to get a baby sitter we would actually be paying for me to work.

So began my life as a stay at home mother.  I wish I could say it was all because we realized that this is God's intention for families and that is why we decided this but no, that was our realization a couple of years later.  By this time our son was about 2 1/2 years old.  He is now 24!

Want to hear the rest of the story? How we came to raise our own  vegetables and meat? When we added another child into the mix? How we were able to afford all of this on such a small budget?  Stay tuned.  I will continue the story on Wednesday.


*If you stayed with my story to the end, thank you!  I really look forward to getting more into detail on how you can thrive on one income, how Jesus is the key to it all, and my triumphs and failures on the way along!